LAKE PLACID, NY – Seven seconds after arriving in the beautiful Lake Placid for a family vacation with her husband and her daughter’s family, crotchety grandmother Susan Furkener immediately stepped out of the car and yelled where’s the Dunkin? in her gravely cigarette lacerated voice.
Furkener pondered where the Dunkin was in front of three great local coffee shops. Known for their diarrhea-inducing sludge coffee, Dunkin’ is a favorite among Americans who eat and drink shit on a daily basis.
“When I go on vacation I expect there to be at least 10 Dunkins’ within 5 miles of me or I will hate my vacation. I like my coffee to be piled high with sugar and creamer, I don’t want any of that local real shit that tastes like coffee beans,” said Furkener.