What’s New: Woman Contemplates Meaning of Life After Biting into ‘Tofurky’ on Thanksgiving

 What’s New: Woman Contemplates Meaning of Life After Biting into ‘Tofurky’ on Thanksgiving

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Local woman Ariel Francini is contemplating the meaning of life today after biting into a slice of tofurkey, a tofu-based vegan alternative to turkey, on Thanksgiving yesterday.


“My new boyfriend is vegan and we decided to stay home to follow the Covid precautions so we chose to make a tofurkey for Thanksgiving dinner. I took one bite and my entire life flashed before my eyes. I saw visions of my past, present, and my future,” said Francini.


“Life is so meaningless now that I tried tofurkey. Words cannot even describe how fucking disgusting that tofurkey was. I’m not saying to eat a turkey, you can definitely still go vegan, but you need to eat literally anything else. Eat grass, eat dirt, eat nothing at all, I don’t care. Anything is better than tofurkey.”


Francini says she is starting a tofurkey support group for those who have eaten tofurkey to meet and talk with each other about their experiences. She said the group already has over 100 members.

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