‘It’s All Biden’s Fault Gas Prices Are So High’ Says Dumbass Who Clearly Doesn’t Know How Supply and Demand Works in Addition To Not Realizing That Gas Has Been Going Up Since May 2020, When Trump Was President
SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Local woman Ariel Francini is contemplating the meaning of life today after biting into a slice of tofurkey, a tofu-based vegan alternative to turkey, on Thanksgiving yesterday.
“My new boyfriend is vegan and we decided to stay home to follow the Covid precautions so we chose to make a tofurkey for Thanksgiving dinner. I took one bite and my entire life flashed before my eyes. I saw visions of my past, present, and my future,” said Francini.
“Life is so meaningless now that I tried tofurkey. Words cannot even describe how fucking disgusting that tofurkey was. I’m not saying to eat a turkey, you can definitely still go vegan, but you need to eat literally anything else. Eat grass, eat dirt, eat nothing at all, I don’t care. Anything is better than tofurkey.”
Francini says she is starting a tofurkey support group for those who have eaten tofurkey to meet and talk with each other about their experiences. She said the group already has over 100 members.