Trump Administration Promises to Only Use a Little Bit of Fascism Against Protesters in Portland

PORTLAND, OR – With tensions rising and protests increasing throughout the country, the Trump administration promises they’ll only use a little bit of fascism against protesters in Portland. 

Federal officers in unmarked vans are reportedly abducting protesters from the city. Despite being a clear violation of human rights and an element of a totalitarian state, the Trump administration claims this is what they mean by only a little bit of fascism.

“This is beautiful, who doesn’t want a bit of fascism in America. If everyone just liked me, this wouldn’t have happened,” said Trump while laying in bed scrolling through Twitter.

“Fascism is only wrong when it happens in other countries. When it happens here, it’s completely fine.”