This Just In: All-Pizza Diet Stunningly Can’t Be Solved by Going to the Gym and Looking at Workout Machines

TAMPA, FL – With the hope of losing weight while maintaining an all-pizza diet, Larry Porkchop started going to the gym a few times a week, hoping to lose some weight, but this hasn’t been the case as he only looks at the machines there, rather than work out.

“I just don’t get it. They say if you start working out, you shed the weight off very fast, but that hasn’t happened even though I’m looking and thinking about working out,” said Porkchop. 

“I’m beginning to think that working out doesn’t work for some people, and maybe there’s something else I need to do like hypnosis or acupuncture to lose weight,” said Mr. Porkchop as he bit into a slice of pizza.