NASHVILLE, TV – With growing concerns related to the Tennessee Titans and their recent string of positive COVID-19 cases, the team announced today that they will be immediately executing members of staff and players who test positive for COVID-19.
The report comes after the delay of the upcoming Steelers and Titans game, making the Titans ponder what they’re going to do next. After a recent discussion with personnel, General Manager Jon Robinson made the announcement that anyone who tests positive will immediately be beheaded or stabbed to death to prevent further delays.
“After speaking with the owners, we understand how important money is to us and these delays will prevent us from making said money. Even though I care about winning, I’ll do the killing myself if I have to,” said Robinson.
Fans are reportedly upset about the decision after it leaked quarterback Ryan Tannehill and running back Derrick Henry were beheaded and shot respectively after the two tested positive yesterday.
“I want this world to stop burning and the only way for it to stop burning is to start killing. Sure, we might have to kill our star quarterback and running back, but who cares. Stopping the spread so we can make money is more important.”