Ted Cruz Announces His Daughters Are Both Grounded for the Rest of the Year for Forcing Him to Go On Vacation During Texas’ Crisis

AUSTIN, TX – Senator Ted Cruz of Texas announced today that his two daughters, aged 10 and 12, are grounded for the rest of the year for forcing him to go on vacation to Mexico with them during Texas’ humanitarian crisis.

“I told my daughters that I can’t go, that I had to help my fellow Texans shovel or get Mountain Dew or whatever they need, I’m not too sure, but my daughters insisted that I go and forced me to go against my will,” said Cruz.

“Now I’m getting criticized like crazy for something that isn’t even my fault. I care deeply about my constituents but my daughters don’t give a shit about you, so you should be yelling at them, not me.”

Cruz’s daughters are reportedly being locked in their rooms with only one 80” TV each and are being punished further by only having lobster and filet mignon every other day for dinner.