The Big Football Game to Feature ‘Healthcare Workers’ and ‘Rich Drunk Americans Who Have Nothing Better to Do in a Pandemic’ in Stands

TAMPA, FL – With Super Bowl LV on its way to feature a faceoff between the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Kansas City Chiefs, the game is expected to hold 7,500 healthcare workers and rich drunk Americans who have nothing better to do in a pandemic.

“We’re very excited to not only honor healthcare workers for their incredible bravery during this troubling time but also our fan-base, drunk Americans. This Super Bowl will feature amazing healthcare workers and countless rich drunk Americans to hang out with them,” said NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell.

“I’m so fucking stoked to go to this game. My entire family already got COVID-19 and died, but fuck it. Life is all about eating shitty hot dogs while watching a bunch of men give each other brain damage. Let’s go baby!” said multi-millionaire football fan Steve Lace.