Substitute Teacher Who Reeks of Alcohol Starting to Make More Sense to Fatalistic Fifth Grader

LANSING, MI – A local fatalistic fifth-grader is beginning to understand his substitute teacher who repeatedly comes to class hungover, claiming life is too dreadful to care about any type of job or endeavor.

“At first, I was really upset to see Mr. Larman constantly hungover and acting odd, but then I realized he’s a hero. Who gives a fuck about any of this? I should start drinking once I turn 11,” said fatalistic fifth-grader Joshua Myer.

“Hearing what that kid said gave me hope. Life fucking sucks and it’s nice to see someone give up on their hopes and dreams so early. If only more of these little fucks can catch on sooner than later,” said Larman.