TACOMA, WA – A man contemplated suicide today after accidentally ingesting a bug. Tommy Blahhoff, 24, was on a hike with his girlfriend when an insect flew into his mouth, causing him to accidentally eat the bug.
Blahhoff’s girlfriend of 5 years and other witnesses at the scene stated that he became inconsolable and incoherent as a panic attack overtook him. He then sprinted to a nearby cliff and jumped, almost plunging to his death nearly 80 feet below.
“I don’t blame Tommy for doing this, he’s been a vegan for almost an entire year besides that time he accidentally beef. Being vegan is more than a diet,” said Tommy’s girlfriend, Shauna Lees, adding how breaking veganism should be a forced death.
“Next time, he’ll learn to avoid the beautiful bugs instead of carelessly walking with his mouth open. Bugs are more important than human life.”