Republicans Suggest Arming Fetuses So They Can Shoot Abortion Doctors

WASHINGTON – A growing number of Republican members of Congress and the Senate are suggesting a new way to prevent abortions from taking place: arming fetuses with guns so they can shoot the abortion doctor that’s trying to take them out.

“For too long we just try to stop the evil abortion doctors and evil mothers from getting an abortion but now it’s time to fight back. We need to arm fetuses with weapons so they can defend themselves and shoot the doctor or mother trying to kill them. I must protect life by killing life,” said Senator Jim Inhofe.

Oklahoma is quickly bringing a law to a vote that is expected to pass that would make it mandatory for all fetuses from conception onwards to carry some sort of firearm to protect themselves from abortion doctors, though how a clump of microscopic cells would hold or use a gun or how the gun would be put inside the mother’s uterus has not been figured out just yet by the majority white male Oklahoma state assembly who has no idea how women’s anatomy works.