Report: Americans More Trusting Of Sweaty Parking Lot Hot-Dog Salesman ‘Larry’ Than Politicians

NEW YORK – A new report from the University of New York has concluded 97 percent of Americans are more trusting of sweaty parking lot hot-dog salesman ‘Larry’ than any politician.

“Larry is so wholesome and nice, while he slabs up a hotdog for me every day. I never want to hear another politician promise me shit just to have them break my heart. All I want is a politician like Larry,” said hot dog eater Jason Lellen.

“I vote Democrat every year just for them to slightly fix the shit Republicans do. I’m sick of it and hopefully, an honest politician like Bernie Sanders can be President someday. Until then, Larry is always better than any politician in my mind,” said hot dog eater Imani Wints.