VATICAN CITY – Pope Francis recently announced the first crusade since the 15th century to take back the Holy Land in the Middle East.
Pope Francis says the crusade is scheduled to begin after Church on Sunday. Unlike past crusades that used invading armies on horseback, this crusade will predominantly use drone bombers and tanks due to the massive amount of money the Catholic Church takes in from donations that they don’t have to pay any taxes on.
Pope Francis has apparently been secretly building up his military similarly to how Hitler did in the years leading up to WWII.
“With this whole Coronavirus thing ravaging the world, I thought this would be the perfect time to finally invade and take back all of the Holy Land and give it all back to its rightful owners in the Catholic Church. We must slaughter every infidel. It’s what God wants.” said Pope Francis.
Sources say if this crusade doesn’t go according to plan, Pope Francis has an old fashioned children’s crusade waiting in the wings to invade right after.