BOSTON, MA – A new Harvard University poll shows that 90% of Christians in America don’t know why they get a Confirmation.
A majority of the people polled thought it was so they could get a Confirmation name, but couldn’t explain the reason for that either when pressed further.
“We get confirmed because God wants it that way and it makes us closer to him,” said clueless evangelical Nancy Whitlady, claiming some nonsense about it being in the Bible even though it isn’t.
“To tell you the truth, I’m not even sure why we do them. I just do them because I’m supposed to,” said Bishop Brian O’Brien.
“Off the record, I prefer doing Baptisms and First Communions. The kids are a lot younger and they are pretty much adults when they get a Confirmation,” O’Brien chuckled.
After looking up the definition of a Confirmation, we found it is to cleanse one’s sins that you committed as a child so you may then become an adult.
Except, no that isn’t the definition. We made that up, but you probably thought it was true while reading it because again, who the fuck knows what a Confirmation is for.