Wendy’s Announces New Never Refrigerated Beef, Fuck You McDonalds

COLUMBUS, OH – Fast-food chain Wendy’s, known for promoting beef that is never frozen, announced today that their beef will now never be refrigerated either.   “Our beef will now be fresher than all of our competitor’s product as it will come straight from the cow in the processing plants right to the Wendy’s restaurants,” […]Read More

This Just In: No One Enjoys Family Reunions

PHOENIX, AZ – A new study released by the University of Phoenix has revealed that 99.7% of homo-sapiens hate family reunions. The study polled a total of 100 thousand people, in all age groups, across the United States. The study began after Doctor Jason Givens almost died after eating awful food from his elderly family […]Read More

God Announces Second Biblical Flood to Cleanse Earth of TikTokers

HEAVEN, CLOUD 9 – God the Almighty released a statement that he will be having another biblical flooding of the Earth to cleanse the Earth of the pestilence known as TikTokers. “I’ve just been disgusted with the stupidity of the human race lately, and it’s only getting worse. No one reads books or educates themselves […]Read More

Country Music Linked to Causing Cancer

BALTIMORE, MD – A new cancer study by a team of doctors at Johns Hopkins University has shown a link between country music and ear cancer. The study shows that steady listening of country music causes an extremely aggressive cancer to form in the ear canals at a very rapid rate. Once contracted, your odds […]Read More

New York State to Introduce Cheetahs to Combat Deer Overpopulation

ALBANY, NY – New York State has announced that cheetahs will be brought in to the state as an introduced species to help combat the rampant deer population. One thousand wild cheetahs will be interjected to various parts of the state early next month.  “We believe this to be an excellent solution to help bring […]Read More

Man Rightfully Beaten After Backing Into Parking Spot in Empty Lot

DETROIT, MI – A man was severely beaten in broad daylight on Thursday afternoon in a 7/11 parking lot. Caught on video, the seemingly healthy man is seen backing his car into the parking spot of a clearly empty parking lot.  Two 7/11 employees are seen exiting the store, charging at the victim, and attacking […]Read More