Republicans Suggest Arming Fetuses So They Can Shoot Abortion Doctors

WASHINGTON – A growing number of Republican members of Congress and the Senate are suggesting a new way to prevent abortions from taking place: arming fetuses with guns so they can shoot the abortion doctor that’s trying to take them out. “For too long we just try to stop the evil abortion doctors and evil […]Read More

Guy Likes Burger King More than He Should

KANSAS CITY, MI – Local Kansas City man Todd Deftom, 32, reportedly likes Burger King more than the average person, and no one is sure why. Deftom told reporters that he visits Burger King every day after work with no apparent reason why. Reporters were so dumbfounded, they didn’t speak for weeks. “I love Burger […]Read More

Woman Thankful to Only Get 7 Infections and Viruses from Waterpark Vacation

ANAHEIM, CA – Local woman Sandy Shore, 34, is reportedly thankful to only get seven infections and viruses after a waterpark vacation to the Great Wolf Lodge with her family. “I’m so blessed to only get seven severe infections and viruses from this waterpark vacation. I was worried I’d hit double-digits, but instead, it was […]Read More

Joker 2 Expected to Be Direct Sequel to La La Land

LOS ANGELES – With news that Lady Gaga is allegedly in early talks to star as Harley Quinn alongside Joaquin Phoenix in a sequel to 2019’s Joker as a musical, further speculation hints that it’ll be a direct sequel to 2016’s La La Land. Joker tells the story of a mentally troubled stand-up comedian embarking […]Read More

‘It Isn’t a Gun Problem, It’s a Mental Health Problem’ Says Piece of Shit Lying Politician Who Slashed Funding to Mental Health Services

WASHINGTON – After every mass shooting in this country, politicians are quick to blame anything but guns as the problem, from there not being enough armed guards, to unlocked doors, to one of their favorites, it being a mental health problem. You’d think Republicans would increase funding for mental health services to back up their […]Read More

Advertisements to Now Tell Americans ‘Buy it You Dumbass’

WASHINGTON – A new law in the United States will require all companies to declare Buy it You Dumbass in any advertisements they have promoting a product. “We made this decision so people understand what they’re getting into. We love spending money as Americans and this slogan will only help,” said U.S. President Joe Biden. […]Read More