Man Buys Plane Ticket Just to Hang Out in Food Court

NEW YORK CITY – Local man Jay Konnie, 28, reportedly purchased a plane ticket at New York’s John F. Kennedy International to hang out in the food court. “People ask me what I want to do; truthfully, I just want to hang out in the food court with people at the airport. It’s fun and […]Read More

‘Yeah, I Invest in Cryptocurrency’ Says Worst Person Ever

NEW YORK CITY – Local cryptocurrency investor Jex Biles, 29, is reportedly the worst person ever, a correlation that is no surprise since he’s involved with cryptocurrency. “I love investing in cryptocurrency. Not because I make money from it, but because it’s fun to talk about,” said Biles. There are countless people like Biles, most […]Read More

Marvel Release Schedule Promises Nothing But Shit, Exciting the Masses

LOS ANGELES – Marvel announced 12 titles for Phase 5 at San Diego Comic-Con this past Saturday, promising nothing but shitty movies, exciting Marvel fans across the globe. Although fans are waiting for Phase 4 to conclude in 2023, the fifth phase has gotten many eager about the future of the shit films. Phase 4 […]Read More

Elon Musk Confirmed to Be Husk With Alien Living Inside

DALLAS, TX – It’s been confirmed that Elon Musk is not an actual human but a human husk controlled by an alien living inside of him. The report was confirmed after recent pictures of Musk with no shirt on showed that there was no chance he was an actual human with how fucked he looked. […]Read More

Sinus Infection Remains Most Annoying Thing On Earth

WASHINGTON – A team of researchers went to the White House to confirm a recent study to President Joe Biden that a sinus infection remains the most annoying thing on Earth. “Nothing is more annoying than a sinus infection. It lingers but doesn’t make you so sick that you can call off work. All it […]Read More