Man Starts GoFundMe to Shoot Down Jeff Bezos’ Spaceship

MINNEAPOLIS, MN – A local man has started a GoFundMe, an American for-profit crowdfunding platform, to raise money to bribe a country to shoot down Jeff Bezos’ spaceship. The GoFundMe has exceeded its goal, raising nearly a billion dollars in 14 hours.   “Last week it’s that piece of shit Branson going to space and […]Read More

Man Confusingly Excited to Eat Candy When Sugar Drops

DES MOINES, IA – Local man Johnny Friendly was very excited at his recent doctor’s appointment after being diagnosed with adult onset diabetes. Unlike most people who would be upset with the bad news, Mr. Friendly confused the diagnosis to eat candy when his sugar drops.   “I’ve always loved eating sweets but always felt […]Read More

How Great: Exactly 30 Years Ago Life Was Just As Meaningless As Now

EARTH – A new confirmation from the National Science Board has confirmed exactly thirty years ago was just as meaningless as life is now. “We’re very excited to prove that not only is life shitty but that it’s always been shitty. Proving life was god awful in the 1980s and 1990s shows that it’s not […]Read More

‘Abortion Must Be Outlawed Completely’ Says Man Who Claims it’s Against His Religion Even Though He Seems Fine With Girls Getting Pregnant From Incest and Assault

KNOXVILLE, TN – Local pastor of Growing Long and Hard for Jesus Christ Parish Church, Ronald Gorgetroth, is sick and tired of what he refers to as the genocide of abortion in the United States. “The murder of unborn babies needs to stop. This genocide is against the word of Jesus Christ, is an immortal […]Read More