JERSEY CITY, NJ – A local New Jersey woman is contemplating dumping her boyfriend after discovering her boyfriend doesn’t under the plot of the 1985 Sci-Fi classic Back to the Future. “I don’t understand how anyone can’t understand the plot of this movie. He gets stuck in the past so now he needs to […]Read More
MINNEAPOLIS, MN – A local man has started a GoFundMe, an American for-profit crowdfunding platform, to raise money to bribe a country to shoot down Jeff Bezos’ spaceship. The GoFundMe has exceeded its goal, raising nearly a billion dollars in 14 hours. “Last week it’s that piece of shit Branson going to space and […]Read More
DES MOINES, IA – Local man Johnny Friendly was very excited at his recent doctor’s appointment after being diagnosed with adult onset diabetes. Unlike most people who would be upset with the bad news, Mr. Friendly confused the diagnosis to eat candy when his sugar drops. “I’ve always loved eating sweets but always felt […]Read More
SEATTLE, WA – A local Seattle man routinely refers to negative events on Monday as being just the case of the Mondays, even though his life sucks every day, not just Monday. “I hate Mondays, they tend to suck the most out of any day. Sure, my life sucks every other day of the week, […]Read More
BATON ROUGE, LA – A local man is upset and confused today after he came home from work and found his pet tiger, Marbles, eating his wife and 3 kids. The Harold family reportedly bought the tiger when it was a cub to be a family pet since America is ridiculously absurd and somehow allows […]Read More
EARTH – A new confirmation from the National Science Board has confirmed exactly thirty years ago was just as meaningless as life is now. “We’re very excited to prove that not only is life shitty but that it’s always been shitty. Proving life was god awful in the 1980s and 1990s shows that it’s not […]Read More
DALLAS, TX – Former President George W. Bush is outraged after hearing President Biden will be pulling all remaining U.S. troops out of Afghanistan in September. “This is horrible news for the United States. We shouldn’t leave until we are done killing every remaining person in that country. Instead, we are gonna pay for it […]Read More
KNOXVILLE, TN – Local pastor of Growing Long and Hard for Jesus Christ Parish Church, Ronald Gorgetroth, is sick and tired of what he refers to as the genocide of abortion in the United States. “The murder of unborn babies needs to stop. This genocide is against the word of Jesus Christ, is an immortal […]Read More
LINCOLN, NE – A local Lincoln man is reportedly thinking fondly of simpler times when he and his friend murdered hitchhikers for fun. “Ah, I remember back in the day when Larry and I would head out with a smile on our face and kill a bunch of strange hitchhikers. Those were the times,” said […]Read More
DALLAS, TX – A giant American flag orgy broke out at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) on Sunday after former President Trump started making out with the American flag that was on stage. Former President Trump was blathering about how he lost the election and how much he loves the United States when he […]Read More
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