Opinion: No One Actually Likes Kombucha, And if you do, You’re a Sociopath

EARTH – After walking through the neighborhood and hearing a dejected conversation between two friends discuss their love for kombucha, I stopped in my tracks.

What kind of wasteful breed of humans could claim their love for such a purely disgusting drink? They’ll claim it’s for health benefits, but you can’t even drink more than four ounces of kombucha without feeling sick.

“I love kombucha for the way it sounds. It just makes me think that I’m doing something right for my well-being,” said local man Eli Smith, adding how he frequently visits his local Whole Foods to stock up on kombucha.

Despite the clear awful taste connected to kombucha, the product will remain in popularity solely because of its name.