New Study Shows the Secret to Being Wealthy is to Simply Be Born Into It

ROCHESTER, NY – A new study coming from the University of Rochester has found that the secret to being wealthy is to simply be born into it.

The report comes amidst the economic crisis caused by the COVID-19 pandemic and the underlying effects of capitalism, causing many to wonder how they can lift themselves out of poverty. The solution: be born into it.

“People often wonder what the hidden trick is to be rich and honestly, it’s all about being born into that shit. Rather than have some hope with the American dream, it’s all luck you dummies!” said lead scientist Avery Jones.