STANFORD, CA – A new study from Stanford University revealed that not one asshole in all of brainless America knows why people celebrate Dyngus Day. In addition, no one in the United States even knows what the word Dyngus even means.
Always celebrated the day after Easter, the origins and reasons for celebrating Dyngus Day are cloudy. For starters, what holiday is on a fucking Monday, and why the hell do guys squirt the girls with squirt guns while they both hit each other with pussy willows. No, we didn’t make this shit up.
“Ya know it’s to celebrate your Polish heritage by getting fucking wasted with the boys,” said clearly non-Polish bro Billy O’Connor.
One thing does ring true from Billy’s statement, it’s just another shallow reason for dull Americans to get drunk, and on a Monday no less.