CUPERTINO, CA – With the turn of the year to 2021, Apple is releasing a major update to IOS software on iPhones, forcing any iPhone user to sell their soul directly to Apple CEO Tim Cook.
“We’re really excited to have millions of people sell their soul to me. I promise to take good care of them and to not do anything that’ll potentially harm them or do anything they’re not comfortable with,” said Cook laughing uncontrollably.
“People are worried about this update, but as long as I can keep scrolling through my apps with my phone, I don’t care about selling my soul to Cook. Hopefully, it doesn’t slow the phone down or anything like that,” said Apple fan Chelsea Todds.