BOSTON, MA – A new study coming out of Harvard University is showing that the vast majority of people who choose to drink Fiji Water are pretentious douchebags who are addicted to taking selfies with song lyrics under their photo.
The study also detailed how the majority of people who purchase Smart Water have a particularly low IQ while the majority of people who purchase Fiji Water have various sociopathic pretentious douchebag tendencies including a need to make it seem like they are better than everyone, extreme nationalism, an addiction to hurting animals, and a love of Bill Cosby as their favorite comedian.
“There is absolutely no reason you should buy either of these waters. They are both obscenely expensive and are the same as any other water. Water is water, so just go buy the cheapest one or better yet, get a filter for your tap water at home,” says Dr. Leonard Crunch who completed the study.
Not all people seem to agree with Dr. Crunch however. “I like really prefer to drink Smart Water. It like tastes so much better and like really makes me feel better and think better,” said local Starbucks barista Rebecca Ditz.