New FDA-Approved Alzheimer Drug Euthanizes Old People

WASHINGTON – The U.S. Food and Drug Administration recently approved Aduhelm for the treatment of Alzheimer’s, a debilitating disease that affects 6.2 million Americans.

The new drug will euthanize elderly patients suffering from Alzheimers, allowing the world some peace and quiet away from annoying old fucks.

“We understand that not every old person deserves to die, but seeing as most old people are rude, unforgiving, and conservative, it’s a win-win situation,” said FDA’s director Daryl Hopeless.