BATAVIA, NY – After driving around his car for far too long trying to run squirrels over, a local Batavia man is wondering if green tea will prevent his future homicidal tendencies.
The report comes after Brendan Ratcliffe, 24, couldn’t stop driving around in his Hyundai Elantra searching for squirrels to run over for his own amusement and enjoyment. Once Ratcliffe discovered he has a problem, he began to wonder if Green Tea is the solution for him.
“I hear from my dad all the time about how good green tea is for you, and if that’s the case, I wonder what it can do for me. Obviously, it’ll help my immune system and all that, but I think I should address my enjoyment for killing animals first,” said Ratcliffe.
Ratcliffe’s relatives are deeply concerned with his repeated drivings to try and kill squirrels and are worried this will escalate into something worst; a common sign and theme for serial killers.
“I don’t think it’s that big of a deal because who cares if you run a few squirrels over from time to time. As long as he drinks his green tea, he should be fine within no time, at least that’s what I think,” said Brendan’s father, Rex Ratcliffe.