Man Willing to Sacrifice Entire Family to Sacrificial God Moloch For New York Yankees to Play Better

NEW YORK – A local New York Yankees fan is debating on sacrificing his entire family to the Canaanite God Moloch in order to have the New York Yankees play better.

Moloch appears several times in the Hebrew Bible and is primarily known for its child sacrifice practices, prompting the Yankee fan to consider killing his family to possibly get some good luck from Moloch for his favorite baseball team.

“The Yankees are just too inconsistent and if this God can give my team some extra runs if I just kill my family, I’ll totally do it,” said the Yankee fan.