PHOENIX, AZ – Local man Todd Humper miraculously woke up today after being in a coma for 32 years sustained from a serious car accident. After awakening, Humper requested to be put back into a coma after finding out how shitty the world is.
“Yeah, I woke up and at first I was excited to be back but then I found out the planet is literally dying from climate change and no one is doing anything about it, we fucked up the Middle East pretty badly, and then I found out who our last couple presidents were. What the fuck America. So I asked to be put back into a coma,” said Humper.
Humper stated if he can’t be placed back into a coma, he will look into finding a country that’ll perform voluntary physician-assisted euthanasia on him to rid his soul from this shitty place.