BATON ROUGE, LA – A local man is upset and confused today after he came home from work and found his pet tiger, Marbles, eating his wife and 3 kids.
The Harold family reportedly bought the tiger when it was a cub to be a family pet since America is ridiculously absurd and somehow allows shit like that to be legal.
“My life is ruined. I just don’t understand how this happened. My kids, wife, and I loved Marbles so much and he loved us. He was a part of our family so I really don’t understand why he ate my family,” said Hank.
When reporters explained to Hank that Tigers are wild animals that shouldn’t be kept as pets and that what happened was inevitable, Hank disagreed and said it had to be his wife or one of his kids’ faults. Hank has also already forgiven Marbles and is keeping him as his pet.