Man Pronounces Love for COVID-19 After He Doesn’t Have to See His Family for the Holidays for Second Year in a Row

BOSTON, MA – Local man Pat Pork announced today that he loves COVID-19, claiming it’s the greatest thing that’s ever happened to him since he hasn’t had to see any of his family for the holidays for the last two years in a row.

“I love Covid so much. I hate seeing my piece of shit extended family for the holidays every year, and I haven’t had to the last couple of years, thanks to Covid. I hope it sticks around so I can continue to use it as an excuse not to see anyone every year going forward,” said Pork.

Pork, who is vaccinated and boostered, finished by saying the only thing that would be even better is if COVID-19 killed off his stupid unvaccinated extended family so that he for sure wouldn’t have to see them anymore.