Man Placed On 24-Hour Suicide Watch After His Family Finds Him Eating a Hot Pocket

PORTLAND, OR – A local Portland man, Charles Porcupine, has been placed on a 24-hour suicide watch at the Portland Psych Center after his family came over and found him eating a hot pocket.

The man was reportedly eating a Ham ‘n’ Cheese hot pocket while watching reruns of Friends when his parents showed up to his apartment to check on him.

“At first, I thought maybe someone was forcing him to eat the hot pocket but I didn’t see anyone in the apartment so we immediately took action and brought him to the psych ward. No one in their right mind would choose to eat a hot pocket,” said Charles’ father Rick.

If you or your loved ones are choosing to eat hot pockets, we urge you to seek the help that you need.