Man Finds Wild Predator Living in Crawl Space, ‘Bastard Was Shitting Everywhere and Chewing On Wires’

 Man Finds Wild Predator Living in Crawl Space, ‘Bastard Was Shitting Everywhere and Chewing On Wires’

PORTLAND, OR – Local husband Tony Hoorkt was sound asleep the other night when his wife woke him up after she heard sounds coming from the crawl space.


“There was a lot of scurrying around up there and a lot of clucking noises so I thought it was just a bird or a squirrel or something but I climbed up on a chair and saw with a flashlight that a goddamn predator got in there somehow. The bastard was shitting everywhere and chewing on wires,” said Hoorkt.


Hoorkt reportedly lured the Predator out of the crawl space with a broom and defeated it in hand-to-hand combat before beheading it in the living room. Hoorkt’s wife is very upset over all of the blood and gore in the living room.

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