Man Excited to Have Expensive NFL Season Tickets So He Can Get So Drunk He Doesn’t Remember What Happened Every Week

CLEVELAND, OH – Local man Gill Turnip is excited for the NFL season to be back underway and to go to every game, especially after he couldn’t go to any last year due to the COVID-19 pandemic. 

Turnip claims spending thousands on season tickets is a no-brainer and loves getting extremely wasted at the games, to the point where he can’t remember anything that happened every week.

“There’s nothing better than getting trashed with all your friends on football Sunday. Just pound beers till you puke then pound some more I always say. I think we are gonna be really good this year and I can’t wait to watch highlights the next day to see if we looked good,” said Turnip even though he goes to every game.

Turnip told reporters a couple of goals this year are to get so drunk every week that he loses all self-respect for himself, pisses his pants in his seat, and to not remember spending $100 on five beers during the game.