DETROIT, MI – A local man is looking forward to the Super Bowl this year but not for the reason most people are. Tim Bridgehump, 38, is excited to drink himself into oblivion so he doesn’t have to remember watching Tom Brady and Patrick Mahomes each play in yet another Super Bowl, 12 total between the two of them.
“I mean I can’t be the only person who’s getting sick of seeing these two assholes play every year in the super bowl. I really honestly don’t want to remember anything about it so I’m just guna keep drinking so I don’t remember. Best case scenario is I’m in the hospital at 2 in the morning getting my stomach pumped,” said Bridgehump.
Bridgehump bought a 30 pack of keystone light and a plastic gallon jug of cheap vodka, as he does not want to enjoy the experience whatsoever.