DALLAS, TX – Local man Ted Torso is very excited for the Cowboys season to start up this season so he and his buds can go to all the games and blow their life savings getting wasted on extremely overpriced shit beer at the stadium.
“It’s just a great time, ya know. My boys and I spend the summer saving up some beer money, so we have a few thousand going into the season to spend on some brews. We get so wasted we don’t even remember anything. It’s so much fun,” said Torso.
Torso told reporters that if the Cowboys blow it again this year in the playoffs, he will commit suicide by alcohol by drinking as many Coors lights as he can until he dies in section 312.