MILWAUKEE, WI – Local hermit Horace Wolftit was very excited about the Pandemic but that excitement has quickly turned to sorrow after realizing it wasn’t the start of the zombie apocalypse.
“I was so excited about the start of the pandemic cus I just knew this was it, the start of the zombie apocalypse. But instead, people were just dying and staying dead instead of turning into zombies,” said Wolftit.
“I woulda been a king in the zombie apocalypse too. I’m really good at surviving in the woods and I really like killing stuff since I’m a bit of a sociopath so I woulda been great at ruthlessly murdering people.”
Wolftit told reporters he remains hopeful for the eventual zombie apocalypse and is in the meantime very much looking forward to the start of season 174 of The Walking Dead later this summer.