ST. PAUL, MN – Local man Phil Hornicork reportedly can’t get the song Cat Scratch Fever by Ted Nugent out of his head after he was scratched by his friend’s cat.
“It’s been the worst week of my life. I can’t concentrate or get anything done. It’s such a horrible song that’s played by a literal piece of human pedophile garbage. I can’t go on in life like this,” said a sobbing and visually shaken Hornicork.
Hornicork told reporters that he will take drastic measures to try and get the song out of his head, giving himself a concussion and if that doesn’t work, jumping off a bridge.