‘I’ve Gotten Like 12 Speeding Tickets’ Brags Dumbass Who Desperately Tries to Impress Friends

COLUMBUS, OH – Justin Douchman thinks he’s cooler than everyone else thanks to one simple fact: he drives really fast. So fast in fact, that he’s gotten over a dozen speeding tickets in the last few years.

“Yeah man, I just love flying out there on the open road. You can’t slow me down with speed limits that’s for sure, know what I mean? Sure I’ve paid thousands in fines and my car insurance cost is sky high, but it is just so worth it. I especially love stomping on that gas pedal when I have the ladies in my car,” said Douchman.

When we asked if maybe this tactic doesn’t seem to be working since he’s still single, Douchman said that he likes to keep his options open. Douchman unsurprisingly finished by saying that he’s also a better driver when he’s drunk like a typical scummy douche.