Introvert Thrilled COVID-19 Killed Both of His Neighbors

GARLAND, TX – Staying in his home and feeling the time of his life being away from others, local introvert Nelson Wills is reportedly thrilled to discover both of his neighbors died from COVID-19.

The report comes after Wills was contemplating moving because of his ‘annoying neighbors’. However, with the recent news, Wills is ecstatic about the information and hopes no one moves in next to him.

“This is the best news I received in a long time. Those fucks would knock on my door checking in if I was okay and if I wanted to come over. It’s a pandemic and they want me to come over, that’s completely ridiculous,” said Wills while smiling for the first time in a few months.

“If I’m lucky, no one will move in next door, but if not, hopefully, no one comes in. If someone does move in, they better not introduce themselves.”