BOSTON, MA – The farmer’s almanac, an annual periodical that provides long-range weather predictions for the U.S. is an archaic and widely inaccurate method of predicting how the winter will be every year.
Regardless, countless Americans read the farmer’s almanac, believing what it says, constantly quoting it to any friends and family who will listen whenever weather is brought up.
“I can’t wait for the almanac to come out every year. It really predicts the upcoming winter so well, helps me to prepare for the winter and helps me decide on if I should plan anything like trips or something,” said local asshole who never does anything or goes anywhere anyways other than his shitty job Harold Ronnie.
Ronnie told reporters that he also can’t wait for Groundhog Day since he puts a lot of clout on what the stupid fucking groundhog’s shadow tells us about spring, which in reality is nothing at all, just like the stupid fucking farmer’s almanac.