‘I Can’t Give Americans $15 an Hour, Instead I’m Just Going to Bomb Syria for No Reason’ Says President Biden While Scratching His Forehead for Far Too Long

WASHINGTON – After failing to deliver his bare minimum promise of $15 an hour, President Biden has authorized a U.S. military bombing on a site in Syria, thinking it’ll be a compromise instead of a living wage.

“I know Americans are struggling and desperately need a living wage, but come on, I can’t do that. What I can do is bomb the shit out of Syria, that’s much better. Who doesn’t love explosions?” said President Biden.

The action comes as a perfect reminder that the bare minimum requests from the Biden Administration will never be met. Whether it’s a living wage, a full $2000 stimulus check, getting back into the Iran Nuclear Deal, or implementing the Green New Deal, none of it matters. 

If asked about a living wage again, President Biden is reportedly contemplating dropping a nuke for fun.