Hospital Apologizes For Accidentally Cutting Off Patients’ Heads Instead of Giving Coronavirus Vaccine
PHOENIX, AZ – As states are being pressured to distribute the coronavirus vaccine at a much quicker rate, a local Phoenix hospital recently apologized for accidentally sawing off patients’ heads instead of giving them the vaccine.
“People wanted us to save humanity faster, so we thought they wanted us to start killing everyone. If everyone dies then we’d technically save the planet, but I forgot about the vaccine. We probably should’ve done that instead,” said Phoenix Doctor Jed Mate.
“I’m going to miss cutting off people’s heads, but I guess a vaccine is better. I would just grab people off the street and get excited about chopping their heads off. Whatever, this will be better I guess,” said Nurse Aly Chile.