JAMESTOWN, NY – As a recent influx of customers have tried to return food they’ve already eaten for a refund, a new nation-wide law is allowing the immediate execution of any customer who tries returning something they already ate.
Any customer who goes to the customer service desk at a grocery store requesting a refund for a food product that’s half-eaten, used, or already opened, will be immediately shot or burnt alive by the employees of the grocery store. Customers who also promise that a worker ‘won’t get their business anymore’ will be castrated and hung for everyone to hit like a pinata.
“I’m really happy about this new law. These fucks have been horrible to us for years and now we can finally seek out some revenge whenever they try a quick scheme to get their money back. Fuck these old fucks,” said grocery store worker Sidney Torgan.
The new law is expected to wipe-out 70 to 80 percent of older white men and women above the age of 50.