AUGUSTA, ME – After sitting inside of a Hannaford for far too long, a local grocery store lobster is absolutely pissed no one has picked him to be eaten yet.
“I’ve been sitting inside this fucking tank thing waiting to get eaten and none of these fuckers will pick me, I don’t get it. Am I not sexy enough for these pricks to munch on me? Fuck this,” said Larry the Lobster.
“If I don’t get eaten within a week, I swear I’m going to jump out of this tank and start clawing at everyone’s crouches. I hate humans and all I want is to be put out of my misery, yet no one will eat me.”