TALLAHASSEE, FL – Governor Ronald Desantis announced the naming of convicted serial killer Lonnie “the street bludgeoner” Smith to the newly created position of State Director of Sanitation. The news comes after Desantis was criticized for nominating an anti-vaccine COVID-19 denier as Surgeon General.
“For too long the streets of Florida have had too many homeless people lounging around instead of working, living off the system like thieves. That ends today as Mr. Lonnie Smith’s sole job will be to clean up our beautiful streets for good,” said Governor Ronnie.
“Mr. Jones already has experience murdering homeless people so I expect him to jump right into it. No longer will nice white families have to step off their yachts for a lobster dinner at their favorite restaurant and have to worry about street urchins asking them for change.”