AUSTIN, TX – Governor Greg Abbott of Texas announced today that all COVID-19 restrictions will be lifted effective immediately. Concert venues, restaurants, movie theatres, and all other entertainment venues can open at 100 percent capacity with no mask requirement.
The Governor also announced that the state will now abide by a survival of the fittest and every man for himself mentality going forward when it comes to COVID-19.
“It’s time we get back to normal. Sure thousands are still dying every week from Covid but honestly, if you get Covid and die, then you definitely don’t deserve to live. Covid will kill all the weak Texans and that will then make us a much stronger state overall,” said the Governor.
“Besides, we already had to waste our time saving thousands of people a couple of weeks ago after our power grid failed during the storm. It’s time people got their shit together and learned to fend for themselves. I’m sick of helping people.”
Governor Abbott is expected to win re-election in a landslide in 2 years for some unknown dumbass reason.