CLOUD 9, HEAVEN – God in his holy and infinite wisdom made an official proclamation to the people of Earth today, announcing that Mormonism is the correct religion he has been looking for, and all other types and branches of religion can go fuck off.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with all you damn humans. You somehow start thousands of different religions that all believe in me, but you think, oh no my religion is the one true religion and all the others are wrong. How arrogant could you be? Well guess what, Mormonism is the right one, so all the others can go fuck off. Especially you Southern Baptist televangelist mother fuckers. You are fucked,” said God.
In response, several televangelists like Pat Robertson, Joel Osteen, and Kenneth Copeland have released a statement that they will continue doing what they do despite God’s proclamation, as they are in need of new private jets and vacation homes and need the money from their followers to fund them.