Food Critic Has Odd Soft Spot for Human Flesh

CHICAGO – After trying a few different dishes throughout the day, a local Chicago food critic reportedly has an odd soft spot for human flesh. The discovery was made after Pat Spray, 34, wished the food he was judging was human flesh.

“While I was eating a prepared Filet Mignon, I came to this sensation that made me imagine the food I was eating was human flesh. If anyone prepares me a solid piece of fat from a person, I’ll give their restaurant the highest score I’ve ever given,” said Spray.

“He kept asking us if we sold any human meat, which we kept saying no. Finally, he told us he’d give us a perfect score if we did so we all drew straws and killed whoever was last. I’m looking forward to the review,” said Restaurant Owner Eli Baskly.