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CINCINNATI, OH – A family of goats is dead today after a young child fell into their exhibit at the Cincinnati Zoo.
Three-year-old Timmy Turn was propped up on the railing of the exhibit by his dumb mother when he took a tumble off the railing and into the exhibit. Though he appeared unharmed, little Timmy was crying which gained the attention of a family of five goats.
“When we arrived on the scene, one of the goats was already smelling Timmy so we had little time to act,” said police chief Richard Smug.
“That’s when my men and I made the quick decision to open fire on all the goats with our semi-automatic assault rifles and save Timmy’s life. It was a good thing we arrived when we did or Timmy wouldn’t be here anymore. My men and I are heroes.”
When we asked Officer Smug if it was a bit of overkill shooting the goats 173 times and accidentally shooting Timmy three times, though he’s expected to make a full recovery, Smug felt that Timmy would be dead if they didn’t slaughter the goats and finished by reiterating what a success the rescue was and what amazing heroes they all are.