Donald Trump Jr. Tests Positive For COVID-19 Despite Believing Cocaine Would Prevent the Virus

WASHINGTON – After testing positive for COVID-19, Donald Trump Jr. is reportedly stunned at the test result after believing his cocaine-use would prevent him from getting the virus at all.

“I’m shocked that this virus entered my body since I do a line of cocaine every hour or so, depending on the day. I read online that doing cocaine this much should stop this virus, but whatever, it’s fake anyway,” said Trump Jr.

“Honestly, the corrupt Democrats probably injected it into my bloodstream, I wouldn’t be surprised. Just like they stole the election, they’re going to try killing the second greatest person to ever exist, that person being me.”