BALTIMORE, MD – A new cancer study by a team of doctors at Johns Hopkins University has shown a link between country music and ear cancer. The study shows that steady listening of country music causes an extremely aggressive cancer to form in the ear canals at a very rapid rate. Once contracted, your odds of survival are very slim.
“A person who listens to country on a daily basis will become patriotic, followed by a diagnosis of a terminal illness. We urge people to stop listening to this cancer-causing filth,” said Jill Leeson, Ear Specialist.
Leeson went on to highlight other symptoms increase stupidity, puss oozing out of the ears, and increased nationalism.
“The effects of going to a country concert by someone like Luke Bryan or Florida Georgia Line is similar to the Chernobyl disaster on the citizens of the city of Pripyat in 1986. If you think you may be experiencing any of these symptoms, please see your doctor immediately.”