CLEVELAND, OH – The city of Cleveland passed a new law today making it illegal for men to walk around outdoors shirtless. Effective immediately, those found in violation of the new law will be fined $500 per infraction.
“It just makes sense. I don’t care if you’re muscular or a slob. Either way, no one wants to see your naked chest and back. You’re just a douchebag if you walk around without a shirt in public. Women aren’t allowed to walk around topless so why should men,” said Mayor Frank Jackson.
The acceptable places for men to walk around without a shirt on in public will be beaches and pools according to the new law.
The Cleveland Clinic has released a corresponding study showing that skin cancer rates among douchebags are expected to drop significantly in Cleveland due to this new law, as douchebags typically do not wear sunscreen.