MINNEAPOLIS, MN – A local man has started a GoFundMe, an American for-profit crowdfunding platform, to raise money to bribe a country to shoot down Jeff Bezos’ spaceship. The GoFundMe has exceeded its goal, raising nearly a billion dollars in 14 hours.   “Last week it’s that piece of shit Branson going to space and […]Read More

EARTH – A new confirmation from the National Science Board has confirmed exactly thirty years ago was just as meaningless as life is now. “We’re very excited to prove that not only is life shitty but that it’s always been shitty. Proving life was god awful in the 1980s and 1990s shows that it’s not […]Read More

WHO CARES, AMERICA – Over the weekend, piece of shit billionaire Richard Branson flew to space for an hour for no fucking reason at all and it was all over the news. You would think stories of Branson evading taxes and his sexual assault allegations would be mentioned but no it’s wow look how cool, […]Read More

SYRACUSE, NY – A local Reddit user is confused about how Reddit works, despite being on the platform for over eight years. Reddit is a popular social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website. “I’ve been on Reddit for eight years, but my god, I still don’t really know how it works. I understand […]Read More

BILOXI, MS – Local sign spinner Randy Rollup has been telling all of his family and friends that he’ll never go on a flight from Delta Airlines ever again, believing that the Delta variant of COVID-19, which is much more contagious and deadlier, originated on a Delta Airlines plane. “Ya know, I used to fly […]Read More

SPOKANE, WA – The City of Spokane has unanimously passed a law outlawing the wearing of the hideous shoes known as crocs. If caught wearing crocs, the croc wearer will be put to death. “This is a huge day for our city that I think makes our city now the premier place to live in […]Read More

DETROIT, MI – With the ever-growing need to stray away from oil-based engines, the 2022 Chevrolet Bolt will boast an estimated 300-mile electric car range, as well as a new human assassination feature to rid the Earth of the disgusting creatures known as humans. “We understand the importance of introducing eco-friendly cars and we figured […]Read More

WASHINGTON – A new poll by the Washington Post shows 87 percent of people who celebrate the 4th of July way too much have no idea why it’s celebrated in the first place. The poll was conducted on the streets of the capital and included some responses. “It’s to celebrate the defeat of the British […]Read More

ANTARCTICA – A global team of scientists worldwide made a shocking discovery that hell is real and it’s only filled with men who, in their life on earth, cut their small lawns with giant riding lawn mowers. “We were shocked with what we found, but after we thought about it, it makes perfect sense. Any […]Read More