SEATTLE, WA – A new study from Seattle University shows that the secret to being a world traveler, someone who excessively posts themselves in various places on the social media platform Instagram, is to be born into wealth. The study occurred after many wondered how many Instagram influencers could constantly travel without doing anything. “We […]Read More
WASHINGTON – Local man Jerry Fallow, 31, reportedly loves Halloween, a celebration observed in many countries on October 31, so much that he acts as a serial killer throughout the year. “I love the spooky festivities of Halloween more than anyone. It’s such a fun thing to go around and scare people. It’s so fun […]Read More
PORTLAND, OR – A new bug spray from Outdoors Company Kill em All Bug Spray reportedly kills the human who uses the spray, allowing the person to avoid mosquitoes forever. “Everyone knows how annoying mosquitoes are. Rather than develop a bug spray that kills the mosquito, why not make a spray that kills the person?” […]Read More
WASHINGTON – A new report from George Washington University is unsure how the average person cannot save money. Meanwhile, a report from Georgetown University shows the average cost of living has tripled. The two reports are unrelated, according to lead Economics Studier John Todd, despite the cost of living and ability to save money being […]Read More
STANFORD, CA – A new study out of Stanford University has proven that the length of shorts past a man’s knees correlates to how big of a douchebag they are. “We’ve found that the biggest douchebags are those men who wear basketball shorts that are far too big and way past their knees and men […]Read More
WASHINGTON – A team of researchers went to the White House to confirm a recent study to President Joe Biden that a sinus infection remains the most annoying thing on Earth. “Nothing is more annoying than a sinus infection. It lingers but doesn’t make you so sick that you can call off work. All it […]Read More
PHOENIX, AZ – A recent report from the University of Phoenix shows that no one is really sure how TableTop Game Store, Games and Stuff, is a successful business despite only selling TableTop games. TableTop refers to a game in which all players are seated around a table interacting with each other directly. It focuses […]Read More
WASHINGTON – Americans across the nation are preparing to celebrate the dumbest holiday of the year, the Fourth of July. “I can’t wait to get together and celebrate the fourth. I’m not sure why this day is important to me, but I love getting fucked up with my family,” said American Johnny Jesse. “Though I […]Read More
LOS ANGELES – Local man Connor Wagner is very disappointed today after the pink fireworks he launched yesterday at him and his wife’s gender reveal party didn’t cause a massive forest fire. “I’m pretty disappointed. I launched those fireworks right over the forest behind my house and nothing happened. I was hoping for at least […]Read More
WASHINGTON – A new law in the United States will require all companies to declare Buy it You Dumbass in any advertisements they have promoting a product. “We made this decision so people understand what they’re getting into. We love spending money as Americans and this slogan will only help,” said U.S. President Joe Biden. […]Read More
