ROCHESTER, NY – A new study from the University of Rochester revealed that a trip around a grocery store at night for no sole purpose other than to waste time solves all life problems. The report comes as more Americans are reportedly feeling dreadful about the ongoing pandemic, causing many to look for ways to […]Read More
MINNEAPOLIS, MN – As the guilty verdict was read on all counts late yesterday afternoon during the George Floyd murder trial, most humans with a brain and morals breathed a sigh of relief as the country took a small step towards justice for George Floyd’s family. Many Americans, namely white religious pieces of shit, were […]Read More
BATAVIA, NY – Local dairy farmer Harold Curdsnorter has finally had it with what he is calling an infestation of Canadian Geese coming across the border into the United States. He is demanding that a border wall be built along the entire length of the United States and Canadian border to keep them out. “It’s […]Read More
CHICAGO – After the tragic murder of 13-year-old Adam Toledo, outrage has sparked across the internet over yet another act of police brutality. One local Chicago police officer is reportedly baffled over the public’s reaction. “We’ve been killing people for no reason for years, why do people suddenly care now? I get that most people […]Read More
WASHINGTON – U.S. federal health officials have called for a halt in the use of the Johnson & Johnson coronavirus vaccine, after six women have reportedly heard Livin’ la Vida Loca’ by Ricky Martin in their head non-stop since getting the vaccine. “I just want it to stop. The pain of hearing this song without […]Read More
NEW YORK CITY – With the recent news that New Yorkers over 16 years old are now eligible for the vaccine, a local man is debating between getting a vaccine and having minor side effects for 24 hours or potentially contracting COVID-19 and dying painfully from the virus. “Yeah man, I can’t wait for […]Read More
STANFORD, CA – A new study from Stanford University revealed that not one asshole in all of brainless America knows why people celebrate Dyngus Day. In addition, no one in the United States even knows what the word Dyngus even means. Always celebrated the day after Easter, the origins and reasons for celebrating Dyngus Day […]Read More
ALBANY, NY – As we head into Easter Sunday, the promise of spring and even better weather ahead is in the air with the sun shining down and the birds chirping, but that isn’t the only thing you can count on this time of year. Thousands of shitty people will roll out of bed early […]Read More
CAMBRIDGE, MA – A new study coming from the University of Harvard has confirmed that conservative commentator Ben Shapiro is still a fucking dweeb, but not in a good way like some dweebs are. “Yeah, we’re not sure why so many brainless fucks listen to Shapiro, but we wanted to do a study to confirm […]Read More
PORTLAND, OR – A local Portland man reportedly had a bad experience trying to trip after thinking a mushroom pizza would cause him to catch the dragon man, instead the hallucination attempt caused him to eat shitty mushroom pizza. “Yeah man, I thought mushrooms were supposed to get you high so I bought a mushroom […]Read More
