BOSTON, MA – Local Halloween fanatic Jason Johnny, 27, reportedly got into the Halloween spirit, going on a murderous rampage killing seven and injuring 13. Reports show Johnny dressed up like Michael Myers from the iconic film franchise Halloween, and drove around town looking for people to stab. Finally, after a night of avoiding police, […]Read More

CHESTNUT HILL, MA – A new study coming out of Boston College has confirmed that Googling health questions makes matters significantly worse 110 percent of the time. The study comes amidst the notion of being a hypochondriac, someone who has an obsession with the idea of having a serious but undiagnosed medical condition, and the […]Read More

CAMBRIDGE, MA – A new study coming out of Harvard University confirms that lying to your children isn’t that big of a deal, highlighting that no one should give a fuck about those little shits. “Why would anyone care about telling the truth to their kids? Kids are the absolute worst and are nothing but […]Read More

AMERICA – As the U.S. passes the 20th anniversary of 9/11, a tragic and devastating day that resulted in over 3000 innocent people dying, local conservative Ronnie loves spouting “Never Forget 9/11” but thinks we should forget about slavery and the slaughtering and subjugation of Native Americans. Every year, Ronnie foams at the mouth as […]Read More

ROCHESTER, NY – A new study coming from the University of Rochester has found that the secret to being wealthy is to simply be born into it. The report comes amidst the economic crisis caused by the COVID-19 pandemic and the underlying effects of capitalism, causing many to wonder how they can lift themselves out […]Read More

Los Angeles – The latest in virtual reality is making many excited about the possibilities in the medium.  However, the latest study from the Virtual Reality Study Group of Los Angeles has confirmed the latest virtual reality experience is still not as real as eating Burger King at 3 AM. “We’ve all had that moment […]Read More

CAMBRIDGE, MA – A new study out of Harvard university has confirmed that male cardinals are way fucking hotter than their ugly ass female counterparts. “Yes, after studying the breeding and travel patterns of these magnificent birds, my team of scientists and I have confirmed that the male cardinals are far superior in beauty to […]Read More

CHARLOTTE, NC – Local businessman and millionaire Karl Dooshbag doesn’t understand what has happened to young people in this country who he claims only want handouts and don’t want to work for a living these days. “People are so lazy these days. I’m offering good minimum wage salaries at $8 an hour. Back in my […]Read More

WASHINGTON – After defending the United States’ withdrawal from Afghanistan, President Biden said he wouldn’t recoil from his share of responsibility, causing one man to finally understand invading the nation was a complete waste of resources. “Wait, you mean invading Afghanistan was a complete waste of resources?” said the man, Jerry Tyler, furthering his obliviousness […]Read More